Jersey Shore Family Vacation Epitomize: Return of the Chew Toy

When last nosotros left the Bailiwick of jersey Shore, the guidettes were about to face the Kraken of rage known as Angelina, who is perhaps amend known by her Christian name: Trash Bags. As an experienced Shore-ologist (I take an honorary Ph.D. in Jersey Shore Studies from the University of Chicago), I initially expected these new, mature guidettes to put their past aside, embrace their differences, and welcome Angelina into the fold. Boy, was I wrong.

But before we can start discussing this episode of the most important sociological experiment of our fourth dimension, permit united states look at some terms that viewers will need to know in order to sympathize just what our subjects are talking about.

Chew Toy: A chew toy is a person — almost always a woman — who is played with sexually for a fourth dimension and then discarded when she becomes besides worn out, much like something meant to entertain the dog. JWoww accuses Angelina of existence one, though she has never had intercourse with whatsoever of the members of the house. In this example information technology means someone who is expendable.

Cycloning: This is related to "spiraling," another improver to the guido argot, that ways someone who is getting drunk and/or angry speedily and to an exponential caste. Cycloning seems to hateful spiraling while out of doors or, maybe, while literally falling over.

Lego-ing: To build a truce with someone with whom you formerly had a grudge, as if making a bridge between the two parties using only the tiny plastic building blocks that have been the scourge of bare feet always since their invention.

Assistant Bags: These are Four numberless full of water and vitamins that take on a yellow hue, which is why the guidos named them later the jungle fruit. Every bit guidos historic period, they lose their natural amnesty to the sick effects of RonRon Juice and the other substances that fuel their wild behavior, and their mutated biology needs to be bolstered with external medical stimulation. This does not interfere with a ketogenic lifestyle if one is, in fact, a "keto guido." These products tin can merely exist administered by someone who is not only a trained medical professional, only also a cocky-identified guido, like the nice admirer Ricky, who arrives to help our test subjects in their Miami home.

When Snooki, JWOWW, and Deena return from visiting their families in New Bailiwick of jersey, they immediately recognize Angelina sitting at their kitchen table talking to the boys. I don't empathise how this is possible, because it seems similar Angelina has had an entire confront transplant. Evidently the discredit of leaving the "Shore house" — every bit our creatures are forced to refer to it past their captors — multiple times compelled her to get completely unrecognizable to both friends and strangers.

While motherhood has matured Snooki and JWOWW considerably, it has not matured them enough to accept Angelina into their vacation house. JWOWW asks Angelina what her intentions are in the house, and Angelina says she wants to brand amends for all of her bad beliefs the starting time two times she was with this crew (and the decade of subsequent shit-talking). Snooki says Angelina told a tabloid she was "ugly," and JWOWW lets us know that she has blocked all of the guidos on social media. Naturally they think Angelina does not deserve to be there because she is non part of the "family unit" and that she shouldn't benefit from this second round of fame and riches the residue of the cast is experiencing. (Deena doesn't mind her then much because, and I paraphrase, if it weren't for Angelina, Deena would exist out of a task entirely.)

JWOWW insists Angelina get out the house immediately. Angelina refuses. It is just a echo of the classic flavor-two fight when JWOWW said repeatedly to Angelina, "You stay, yous get your ass beat," and obstinate Angelina sunk even further into a chaise lounge.

The only ane with whatsoever good advice is Ronnie, shockingly, who tells Angelina that to get to the "flowers," she's going to have to wade through "the muck." He tells her that she came in humble and to remain humble. Angelina then goes to bed in the smush room, which is where all skilful chew toys vest. JWOWW says that she is going to care for Angelina like genital canker and just ignore her. That is, actually, the archetype guido treatment for herpes, to simply pretend like it doesn't be. Withal, one of the boys tells JWOWW that there is now medicine for genital canker, which seems to be a revelation to the corking Ms. WOWW.

The next day JWOWW and the boys go off battle while Snooki and Deena enlist Ronnie in a "meatball day," the tradition where the 2 of them get and so drunk that they don't think they're actually human anymore but actual beings made out of meat, much similar that kid in the town adjacent to yours who took LSD and at present thinks that he'southward a glass of orange juice and doesn't want to be spilled over. Ronnie, no stranger to forgiveness himself, again intercedes on Angelina's behalf and gets the girls to agree to permit her join them on the meatball day. And if she's fun, she gets to stay in the house.

Things start to come up to a head in the car on the way to the Clevelander, the vast savanna where the guidos get to drink during the day. Snooki over again brings up the tabloid where Angelina chosen her "ugly" and Angelina denies this. As shortly as they arrive at the bar, Snooki borrows a phone from a waitress and pulls up the article. In information technology, Angelina said that Snooki got false lips merely like her and is "copying her await" simply Angelina didn't think that the fake lips Snooki got were as practiced as hers. While that is a shitty matter to say, she isn't entirely incorrect.

However, Angelina cops to proverb that and apologizes to Snooki. From there they engage in an ancient guido forgiveness ritual where they drink a ton of shots out of exam-tube-sized plastic containers and repeatedly fall off the furniture, thereby knocking the grudge right out of their physical bodies.

Once they arrive back at the business firm and written report that Angelina's intentions are sound, the group meets and decides to give Angelina a tertiary chance, but if she fucks it up they're going to throw her out of the firm. It's very of import for the guidos — who are constantly misbehaving, betraying each other, getting arrested, cheating, "cheating," and engaging in other crimes and misdemeanors — to believe not only in forgiveness but besides that people can alter. However, nosotros've seen from this family holiday that the guidos never alter. Their natural inclinations might exist subconscious underneath the burdens and joys of maternity like JWOWW, or under the weight of 14 dissimilar sushi orders like the Situation, simply their natural predilections are inescapable.

The whole time this is going on, DJ Pauly D is running around the house crowing about how he'due south the "prank champion, yeah." I think that he's wrong. This wasn't really a prank. A prank is something kind of mean just funny that when pulled off, a person reacts by maxim, "Y'all're a wiggle, only you lot got me good." Here, everyone was shocked that Angelina was there, and there was no commemoration subsequently. In that location were no guffaws most how well Pauly D did. This was non a prank; this was a torture. Pauly D should get no credit for it whatever.

Because no 1 really wants Angelina around long plenty for her to habiliment the 19 different pairs of platforms she dragged along with her to Miami, they take some other family meeting where they decide to tell her, politely, that it is time to go dwelling house. While it was initially decided that DJ Pauly D, the prank champion who got her there in the beginning identify, should break the news to her, in that location was and then a vote and they all decided JWOWW should break the news. You lot can say a lot about the guidos, but democracy is a very important construct to them. Mayhap they should be tasked with revising the Electoral College.

The guidos make up one's mind that they have forgiven Angelina, but if she really wants to make amends, she needs to do it at present while they're on vacation (read: on camera) and practice it in private. And if that goes well, they volition forgive all of her past transgressions. We don't quite get to see JWOWW deliver this news, considering the guidos' captors are saving that footage for next calendar week. Nosotros'll take to come back to see just how this chapter of the most important sociological experiment of our time comes to a close.

Jersey Shore Family Vacation Recap: Return of the Chew Toy